Let’s say you wanted to make a movie about a cutting edge security system comprised of vigilant armed robots. Where would you set it – a prison? A government facility? A bank vault? No. Fuck you. You’d set it in a goddamn shopping mall, that’s where.
Have you ever yearned for RoboCop to play the villain in a teen slasher movie? Neither have I, but I’m glad that this goofy ‘80s horror/comedy gave it a shot. In fact, although Chopping Mall is really just a bizarre mash-up of a million other movies, it actually predates RoboCop. The similarities are so striking that you might even suspect Chopping Mall influenced Paul Verhoeven if it weren’t for the fact that the robotic sentries featured here are a complete disaster on both a conceptual and practical level. Part of Chopping Mall’s fun is watching our disposable teens fleeing these slow-moving, highly impractical metallic pieces of shit.
The plot of Chopping Mall is a ludicrous elevator pitch that bears little resemblance to the world in which we live: horny teens throw an after-hours party at the mall they work at, only to be hunted down by the building’s malfunctioning security robots. Like many of its genre brethren, the intentional humor in Chopping Mall is eye-rollingly awful (although I did like some of the inside jokes, like a Dick Miller cameo and a gun-filled sporting goods store named Peckinpah’s). As per usual, everyone is either a sex-crazed jock/bimbo or a virtuous nerd. Characters possess such defining traits as Guy Who Chews Gum in Every Scene.
Chopping Mall isn’t particularly gory or sleazy, but when deaths and nudity occur, they are handled with aplomb (much credit to the wonderfully named Suzee Slater, who has a topless scene AND gets her head fully exploded). Once the robots are in full-on kill mode, Chopping Mall operates more like a second rate action/thriller than a horror movie, but the absurdity of the scenario and the gleefully stupid tone make this the perfect movie to watch with friends and plenty of cheap beer.
Also, for some reason, the male lead is named Ferdy. This pleased me.
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